My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
