Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I party with great urgency now.
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