All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
