you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
