I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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