I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
