He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
