Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
