Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize