I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
