Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
