She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
