my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
