When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
