Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
