I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize