If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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