My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
