Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
