you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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