I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
