We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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