He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
