he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
