I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
