My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
