I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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