i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
