Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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