He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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