Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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