Just fell off a train. Bad.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
