The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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