Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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