so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
