I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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