I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
