Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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