i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
