good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
