haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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