I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
