I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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