just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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