alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
