she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
