OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
