Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize