Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
