I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
