hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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