Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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