I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So many bounce houses so little time
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
