may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
