Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
