3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
