4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
