Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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