You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
