the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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