I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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