also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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