Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
