She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
