I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
