If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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