It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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