i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
