well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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