I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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