in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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