Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
